Tag Archives: Marriage

Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment

marriage an accomplishment

I noticed an article written on the HuffingtonPost.com by a single woman who claims that marriage is not an accomplishment and wanted to respond to this article in a blog post.

She says:

My frustration is this: It is 2016 and being popped the question is still more celebrated than academic and professional pursuits of women. Yes, college graduations and landing a great career and receiving wonderful promotions are all received with happiness from friends and family, but not even close to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. This is my experience, at least.

“It’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on. “

Read more

Putting more value on education and professional pursuits is stupid. The cornerstone of every society is marriage. Marriage is the linchpin. It is the institution woven together that creates the most enduring joy and happiness. It is the foundation of many songs and praises. No one sings about an accounting degree or becoming a lawyer. When you’re sick or on your last leg it is your lover who holds your hand. It is the institution that produces the best children both economically, socially, and emotionally. Marriage is awesome and it is an accomplishment. It is the reason that whites in our society do better than blacks. Married people do better financially than non-married people. The most obvious reason of all is that marriage was designed by God and instituted by him when he brought that wonderful creature that Adam called WOman “wo-” comes from the Old English “wifmon” and means “wife.”

Education and professional pursuits are right where they need to be and I would submit they can be taken down a notch and marriage even more elevated. Often times education and professional pursuits can be a source of pride and arrogance, which will profit you nothing before God, when he asks, what have you done with my Son Jesus.

P.S. Jesus told us not to worry about things, like what are you going to wear or eat, but seek Him (relationship) first. Marriage is an accomplishment. If you’re married to Jesus first that accomplishment will carry you into heaven. Your employment dies with you. Oh! A saved husband and wife, although there are no marriages in heaven, is coming with you as well.

 

Power of the Marriage Law

marriage
You have heard of natural laws like gravity or thermodynamics and those with a deeper understanding know that these laws are not as fixed as we are often taught. There are supernatural laws that defy the natural. For instance Jesus in Acts 1:9 “ Now when He had spoken these things, while they watched, He was taken up, and a cloud received Him out of their sight.” No mention of wings flapping, but a blatant disregard for the law of gravity. You may have also seen demonically filled people levitate etc. However, the law of marriage that God has given man comes with some powerful benefits.

These laws pertain to Christian marriages. Those outside of Christianity are subject to mind-control and manipulation by all kinds of spirits. They are driven by the wind and tossed around having no foundation as to why they exist and for what purpose they were created. The Christian marriage has supernatural protection. Even if only one parent is saved and the unsaved person remains within the marriage there is a covering. It is important to note that Christian marriages are not exempt from attack, in fact, your anointing draws more attack than those outside as the devil has already defeated them (temporarily, if you run to Jesus).

When a husband and wife come together in agreement as touching anything on earth, God has said they will have it. This agreement is spiritual. The mere fact they have become one through sexual intimacy and one inline with God’s favor as this union is blessed by God they have a constant stream to draw from. It is not good for man to be alone. When the woman was created she completed the man. They fit together perfectly like a puzzle. Their love creates the next generation and you can see instantly why Satan works so hard to destroy this union. Each baby that is born from a woman covered by her husband and then God is a huge problem for the kingdom of darkness.

The mind of this child is protected by their parents and anyone seeking their harm will only be the child’s promotion for the kingdom of God. Statistics show that when a husband and wife raise their children in the admonition of the Lord they are without psychological trauma that many children in world experience. They know God and God loves them and they prosper in his kingdom.

Prayer for the Christian marriage: Forgive me of all my sins. I forgive my spouse for sinning against me. We invite the Lord Jesus Christ into our dwelling place. We ask him to rest in our home. We ask him to bring peace to our home. We ask him to evict evil spirits that may be hiding in our home. We ask him to identify for us gateways and ways to close them, so that our family is safe from evil. We ask the Lord Jesus to anoint our heads with the oil of gladness and to shower down blessings that overflow into the next generation. If I have a participated in any occult behavior, karate meditation, yoga mediation, premarital sex, whatever evil spirit from these things, go in Jesus name. Any spirit of depression that likes to linger, you go as well in Jesus name. Now Lord Jesus, refresh, renew, restore, replenish, in Jesus name.

Why do Christian women perpetuate myths about attraction?

b7Ckqa0
My husband and I attend a large Protestant church of the superfunrockband denomination. On Wednesday evenings, our church holds small group Bible studies, and HHG and I attend the one for married couples.  We meet in a large room and split into small groups, each group with its own table and leader.

This past week was rough because the topic was sex.  I just could not believe that all the things we joke about Christians saying were actually said.  For example, one young woman actually used the women-are-like-a-crockpot crock of crap.  This is not true, in case anyone has not figured it out yet.  It does not take a woman, Christian or otherwise, eight hours to become sexually aroused.  The idea that a man needs to spend eight hours giving her tender kisses, helping with the laundry, telling her how much he loves her, and bringing her flowers just to turn her on is wrong.  She may like all those things very much, they may be nice things to do, but they will not make her sexually aroused.  Why do Christian women keep telling men this?  It’s like we’ve all succumbed to mass delusion.

Unbelievably, another woman told the group how hot it is when her husband does the dishes and plays with the kids.  She actually said that as a serious comment, and all the other ladies laughed and nodded. HHG immediately texted me under the table, wishing to know why, if women find men doing dishes to be so irresistibly arousing, he has never received a bl*w j*b while up to his elbows in soap suds.  I could no longer stand it, so I whipped out my iPad and looked up a recent study, refuting her blue pill bull pucky by reading aloud the following quote:

A February paper in the American Sociological Review reported that married couples in which men take on a greater share of the dishes, laundry and other traditionally female chores had sex less often than average, which in this study  was about five times a month. Yet couples in which men confined themselves largely to traditionally male chores such as yard work enjoyed sex more frequently than average.

Continue reading original found here

Christian Intermingle: Can We Date Outside the Faith?

13636-couple-woman-sad-turning-away-fight-wide.1200w.tnThe subject of dating outside the faith often comes up when someone has found an attractive nice person interested in yoking up. They entertain the idea that this nice person would make a great mate and so they go for it. If beauty was the ingredient for successful marriages than most marriages would be successful as most people marry those they find attractive.

So what is the admonition given to mankind concerning the yoking of unbelievers? “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:” (2 Corinthians 6:14). According to the scriptures there is no exception to this rule for obedient believers in Jesus.

It does not matter what this individual looks like, how they smell, or what money they possess. Save yourself by being obedient.

WHY I MARRIED A BLACK GUY

whyblackguyDisclaimer: It is obvious this story departs from my normal crying out, but I believe this story closes the book on the subject and could be applied across the board to all interracial relationships and relationships in general.

So let’s begin:

Yep. After nine years of blogging, I’m finally going to go there.

As most of you know, my husband Al is black. Actually I hate that word, but I’m going to use it this one time so just in case you’re new here, you’ll understand exactly what I mean. But Al’s actually just a human being, like me, who happens to have brown skin. We have two human children who happen to have skin closer to the color of mine. Around here, on the rare occasion that our skin comes up at all, which probably isn’t any more often than it does in your family, we talk about pink skin and brown skin. I’d toss out the currently-trendy, “In my family, we don’t see color,” but I just think that’s dumb. Of course we see color. We see color for exactly what it is: The qualities of light reflected off of things, or in this case, people.Boom, done.

And that’s how it’s always been between Al and me. The day I met him, I noticed he had brown skin. After that, he was just Al. And I’ve already written our love story(<— A word of caution: Some of the writing in these love story posts makes me want to burn down the internet), but I’ll nutshell it for purposes of this post: We worked together for years and then we became good friends and then much, much later, we fell in love and got married. I’ll never forget the day I emailed a close friend in the very early stages of our romantic relationship. “I think I’m going to date Al, do you think that’s a bad idea?” I typed. I was asking her the question because Al and I still worked for the same firm, but she thought I meant because he’s brown, and she answered, “I couldn’t do it, but if you can, I think it’ll be great.” That floored me. Honestly, and I am seriously telling you truth here, the brown thing hadn’t been any sort of road block for me. But it was the first thing my friend considered when she contemplated Al and me as a couple.

I realize now that I’m happily and visibly ensconced in an interracial marriage I’m naturally insulated and pretty much the last soul on earth to whom any polite person would ever feel comfortable making observations about why people with different skin end up together. So I can’t pretend to know anyone else’s current mind on this topic. (Thankfully, Al and I have only ever heard one overt expression of disapproval of our relationship, and that one was hurled at us from the back of a motorcycle as its rider flew past us at 65 miles an hour. As you can imagine, we were terribly disappointed to miss out on the opportunity buy that guy a cup of coffee and listen, enraptured, as he thoughtfully explained his own personal opinions and feelings about our marriage.) But before I met and married my husband, I’d heard many theories on why white women marry black men. So I thought, now that I’ve been married to Al for almost ten years, it might be interesting to share my own personal perspective and experiences as they pertain to the most common of those theories.

1. White women marry black men because they can’t get a white man to marry them.Gosh. Aside from pointing out that this theory implies a white woman somehow settles for less by marrying a black man and is overtly racist and wrong and doesn’t even deserve consideration, I’ll just say this: My first marriage and all of my other dating relationships, from mere flirtations to serious commitments/engagements (which I broke off) were with white men. Al is the first black man I ever dated, and not because I wouldn’t have dated black men — just because no other black men ever asked me out.  I wasn’t out to find a white man and couldn’t.   I was out to find the best man for me, and did.

2. White women marry black men because they know a black man will be grateful to a white woman who will marry him, and thus she’ll have most of the control in the relationship. Again, racism much? But that aside, if Al is any more grateful to me for marrying him than I am to him for marrying me and all of my messed-up crazy, he’s delusional. I know both of us well, and believe me, I got the far better end of this deal. I was keenly aware of that going into our marriage. (I’m a pretty shrewd negotiator.) And actually, one of the reasons that I married Al was because I knew he’d never let me get away with any of the ridiculous stuff other men had. I wanted an equal partner I could trust to neither try to dominate me nor let me dominate him. It’s not that I’ve been a controlling monster in any of my relationships, it’s just that I’d never been with a man who had Al’s quiet strength or instinct and ability to lead. His leadership lets me relax a bit, and I like relaxing.

3. White women marry black men because they’re more romantic than white men. I can’t say it’s because he’s black, but honestly, Al is the most romantic man I ever dated. I think it’s more likely because he was older and more mature than any of the men I’d dated prior to him and thus knew more and had a greater comfort level with expressing his feelings in words and actions. But also I think Al’s just always been genuinely interested and good at in making other people feel special and important. I’d seen this quality in him, one that made him stand out among everyone I knew, male or female, black, white or otherwise, long before romance entered the picture. I love Al’s romantic side, but I’d guess it’s a natural extension of that quality vs. linked to his ethnicity.

4. White women marry black men because black men have – ahem – certain anatomical advantages over white men in the bedroom. I suppose it’d be inappropriate to just shout “BOLOGNA!” and let that be it, huh? (Giggle.) I probably don’t have enough data points on my grid, so to speak, to either confirm or deny this theory, but I can assure you that I wouldn’tmarry a man solely because he had a great big data point. I’m much more into Al’s ginormous brain and heart. He also has a freakishly large smile, and that thing? Makes my toes curl with pleasure.

5. White women marry black men because they’re more attracted to black men/think black men are better looking than white men. Okay. Have you seen Al? He’s gorgeous. I love his dark eyes and his amazing smooth, velvety brown skin and even his perfectly round, sleek, nearly-clean-shaven head (yes!). The guy is smokin’. And for purposes of illustration only, I also think Denzel is very easy on the eyes, and Blair Underwood makes my teeth sweat a little, as does Will Smith (especially in Hitch). But dude. George Clooney? Adam Levine? SHERLOCK (the Benedict Cumberbatch one)? Yeah, white guys are nice, too. (Not that I’m looking, and if Al asks you, I think Bruno Mars is hideous, okay?)

6. White women marry black men to rebel and/or make a social statement. I can’t deny that I value the message my family sends to people who see us and know us about progress and equality, love and acceptance. And I pray that Al and I and other couples like us just showing up, bold and together, in this generation, will bring more and more freedom to our kids and their kids to espouse wide-open views of what love and commitment can look like for them. But true social change activists, we are not.  In the truest sense of the phrase, we’re lovers, not fighters. And at 41 and 36, we’d both wrapped up the rebellious phases of our lives a decade before we said our vows. We got married in a quest for peace, not conflict.

To read the rest click here: So why did I marry a black guy?