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The Perfect Love Story Part III

In the midst of many counselors telling him the decision to leave church is bad, he falls under his wife’s pressure and descends in his Christian walk and stops going to church anyway. The blatant beacon of a call to righteous living has been shunned for conformity to his wife’s wishes. Is she happier now that he has decided to stop attending church? Did the relationship skyrocket to a perfect love story of bliss? Everyone who has joined the ranks of marriage already knows that this plan cannot bring perfect bliss and happiness. The boundaries in marriage have been overstepped and his will is more and more conforming to the will of his wife. As she gains ground in her domination of his life’s decisions, he descends into despair wondering if his choices make any difference at all. While pondering life, he comes to the understanding that whether I go to church or stay home with my wife, life in my marriage is problematic. If God truly cared he would step in right away and change this situation for the better and yet I feel as though he has left me alone, but married. My friend calls me and asks whether or not he should just divorce and move on. The difficulty that he faces in his mind is too hot to handle and to cold to hold. He wonders if he is able to still be in control.

I reminded him that recorded in the Bible God hates divorce and his institution of marriage in its original plan was to be held until physical death occurred. Nowhere is death of happiness, death of joy, death of wealth, death of beauty, listed in the scripture as reasons for divorce. I also reminded him that sometimes we are dismayed by the “grass is greener effect” our minds make us think that someone else will be the ultimate solution to this dilemma and for many who remarry, ask them, they are still going through marital issues the second, third, or fourth time around. Running from issues and problems only make you weak and indecisive. However, I am not foolish enough to believe some couple pairs are not better paired than others. Read the comments on the first blog titled The Perfect Love Story and you will see that this is not the case.

As it is, I sit and wonder with the advice so consistent up until this point why the confusion in marriage and the divorce rate similar in the church as the world? Are we being flooded with too much information and not enough visible displays? How do we change the tide and place those who have long lasting marriages at the forefront to teach those who don’t. Please provide blogs of people who speak transparently about marriage and have the success (married at least a decade) to back up these claims.

photo by Vanessa

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21 responses to “The Perfect Love Story Part III

  1. What I consider a cornerstone of a successful marriage.
    http://lbfaith.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/love-is-not-enough/

  2. “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness…(Ephesians 4)

    Actually, the divorce rate for Christians who walk with God and are committed to following Him with all their hearts is not the same as the rest of society, not even close. Their divorce rates are extremely low.

    But if you only look at surveys which lump all Christians and church goers together in one group, then yes, the church has the same divorce rates as the rest of society.

    The answer: walk with God.

    • Indeed. I agree. However, to take it a step further until it hurts, having sex with someone outside of marriage is to be joined with that person and for many within the church this is the case. Of course, what would we do if God has not given us grace. I am not saying everyone is having sex outside of marriage, but many have inside the church. Again not an excuse to sin and cause what may seem an abuse of grace (God is judge), but thank God for grace.

    • Larry, I’ve heard pastors who I respect, say the stats on people who attend church twice a week are remarkable in a variety of areas, marriage included. Could you share your source for your stats on Christians who walk with God?

      Thanks.

  3. Roger, foreverpoetic…

  4. Roger, this is a new thing for me. My daughter got me into this because I have written so many poems over the years.
    I read your Love Story all the way through and many of the answers you received and found it all very interesting. If you’re interested in advice from an old man who has been married for 33 years here goes.
    first, I grew up in a christian home where divorce was never mentioned, it was not an option. My parents have been married for 65 years, my grandparents were married for 50 years before separated by death. My sister and two brothers have been happily married for over 36 years. I’ve seen successful marriages over the years with one spouse being a non believer and marriages with each spouse being a believer but coming from different doctrines of Christianity. In all but a very few cases the marriages worked and the non believer eventually became a believer.
    In the case of what caused the divorce do not always look at the fact that it had something to do with being a believer. Most times people go into marriage with the thought that “If this doesn’t work out I can always get a divorce.” This is the wrong attitude to go in with because it is a defeatist attitude from the start. My wife and I dated for 3 years before marrying and we talked about every facet of marriage except divorce because her family also had never had one in their history. We talked about how we would handle our money, jobs, children, education, even retirement and we didn’t let our puppy love infatuation get in the way.
    My second point is yes, people need to have good role models in their life to model their marriage after. My wife and I had plenty of good role models and people we could talk to when we did have problems (and boy did we have problems especially those first 5 years) but we stuck it out and made it work.
    So don’t let the believer/non believer issue cloud your judgement as to what the problem really is. It may go deeper than that and if they can be convinced that it’s worth it to stick it out(and believe me it is) then more people would stay married.

    • I have read what you have written and I am overjoyed by your success in marriage. I have taken note concerning the depth of relationships and the power of positive thinking sort of speak in its success. The mind is a powerful thing and if we decide from the beginning what options are unavailable we can only seek options that work that are available. Great response.

    • @dlkochdlk, per definition I guess I am a non believer because I am not visiting Church sermons at all. That is probably why I like your view that is not solely focused on your believe. I have a vast background living in various cultures. Like you I have gone through very hard times that are rare in terms of the amount.
      My view is, that it is not this or that religion, believe, attitude, background, economical- or materialistic believe that creates problems – but it’s the form of extremism that does. When you are extreme in your doing it becomes dogmatic and you will force that upon others. No matter which subject it is (I listed them above), it’s the extremists point of view that is the unhealthy approach.
      Not going to Church from my point of view does not make me a Non-Believer. Once a Father told his community about me “that it is not the amount of time you spend in church that counts but what and how you can contribute to the society”. He made that reference because I was heavily involved doing public projects for the benefit of those who attended – the public.

  5. Pingback: Most popular Boundaries In Marriage auctions | Boundaries in Relationships

  6. I write a blog about victory in depression – Living With Real Joy – http://www.livingwithrealjoy.com. My husband and I have both written about the commitment and hard work it takes to have a thriving marriage. We have been married 15 years and have 3 children ages 3-10. Another blog I read called He Says She Says speaks candidly about marriage. This couple has been married for almost 15 years and have 5 children. I HIGHLY recommend visiting this blog at http://www.ryancarriesharpe.com for an honest look at what it means to have a marriage that’s made to last.

  7. You should check out Eric and Leslie Ludy. They both kinda blog but they’ve written some great books. http://setapartlife.com/Home.html

  8. Jennifer Worrell

    Here’s a pretty awesome love story: http://wp.me/p2gpEb-aI

  9. Hi Roger, I like your b&w pictures. Good light and form.

  10. A good relationship can be successful when you have that good relationship with God. God IS love. Church to us is not an organization. We home church based on our belief of the New Testament example. I’m thankful for four children (two here and recently the two little ones in Heaven) and almost 19 years of marriage.

  11. You have written some great articles here! Everyone contemplating marriage to an unbeliever should read them and those who find themselves already within such a marriage should read them. They give very good counsel.

  12. I’m not really into “holiness”, which I tend to associate with cloisters, sackcloth and ashes. I do, however, believe in trying to do the right thing. I recently took my school association to task for financing its activities with funds from the (British) National Lottery. I was surprised to learn that they were doing this, as I remember the school, which was run by Quakers, as one that took a firm stand against gambling. But the reply I received was that the times have changed, the lottery is now part of the fabric of society, we live in a complex and contradictory world and have to make compromises, etc., etc.

    This was my principal argument:

    It all comes down to whether you are going to act according to principle or according to expediency. Ultimately, the views of [former principal Kenneth] Barnes, et al., are peripheral to this issue. I mention the strong opposition to gambling among (many? all?) of those who ran Wennington School* mainly because it’s highly ironic, to say the least, that the school is now being memorialized by the proceeds of gambling.

    The only argument to be addressed is the one advanced by all proponents of the acceptance of lottery funding: “That, without it, we could not do what we are doing.” In your particular case, this may or may not be true. It is true, however, that other recipients of funding from dubious sources, such as tobacco companies, were able to find other sources when they were forced to do so (in New Zealand, at any rate). Necessity is the mother of invention, I guess.

    I oppose the acceptance of lottery funding by a school association in much the same way as I oppose the acceptance of Coca-Cola funding by the American Dietetic Association, and the acceptance of McDonald’s funding by a range of public health programs. No doubt the recipients of the latter types of funding also claim they couldn’t manage without it. Indeed, that is precisely what the respective donors want them to say.

    Like the tobacco industry before them, all these enterprises thrive by making themselves (apparently) indispensable, and by clothing themselves with the respectability that comes from their fostering of “good causes” – causes that, in many instances, their other activities militate against.

    The case against the National Lottery is one that hardly needs to be stated. All such lotteries promote themselves through false/misleading advertising, and prey upon the most vulnerable members of the community. They further impoverish the already poor, and act as an engine for the transfer of wealth from the poor to the rich. For as the Jubilee Policy Group noted in 1993, they have a “tendency to fund projects which tend to be of benefit to those on higher incomes”. In a related observation, the policy group said: “…it is hard to believe that those benefiting most from this scheme will not be those most able to afford the true cost of the services provided”.

    During my conversation with [former teacher] John Woods, who went on to be headmaster of the Friends School Saffron Walden, he said he believed a number of Friends’ schools had decided not to accept lottery funding “on principle”. It was good to hear that at least a few people in “broken Britain” still adhere to some sort of standard.

    *In Wetherby, Yorkshire, England.

  13. Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful info specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this certain information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  14. I am not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for fantastic info I was looking for this The Perfect Love Story Part III | roger tharpe for my mission.

  15. I would not agree that this perfect.

  16. Marriage is work. Work is hard. Work causes fatigue. People stop working.

  17. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

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